cachica-dance-party-beach-fight

One late afternoon during our vacation in Greece, my partner and I decided to take a little scooter we rented to an isolated beach at the far end of the island Samothraki. The smooth water lazily sparkling under the setting sun invited us in, so we decided to go for a spontaneous swim in our underwear. Besides us, the only other beach inhabitants were a family of inebriated, boisterous Greeks who had set up a complete campsite with an old-school RV, a charcoal grill with sizzling meat, a huge boombox bumping loud greek music, and LOTS of tsipouro (a very strong local liquor, like ouzo but stronger). So there's a bunch of raucous happy party people and having a ridiculously good time, singing "OPA!" at the top of their lungs and dancing around in circles, arms spread in inebriated jubilation. While we're floating around in the water, enjoying the fiesta griega, a small motorboat pulls up towards the shore, right next to us. Inside the tiny vessel are two goats and two guys dressed in traditional outfits - white button-down shirts, vests, suspenders, little jockey hats, the works. One of the old men clumsily climbs out of the boat splashing into water, pulling his goats kicking after him, and wades up to the beach while the other man steadies the rocking boat.

For some reason I have still never figured out, the eldest drunken reveler, a sparsely white-haired man with dirty white wife-beater tank top and bulging beer belly, notices the goatherder + goats slowly shuffling by in the sand, and saunters up to him with mucho bravado. The drunk belly-dancer tugs on the goatherder's ropes while the latter, in muted shock, clings to the goats with all of his might. In a matter of seconds, the tugging turns into a violent tug-of-war, with the drunk loudly barking at the little old man. 
As the surprised goatherder grasps at the reigns as if holding onto his life, the old drunk begins shoving him, gesturing madly, threatening to pounce. Soon the whole family is running after the old man and the goatherder, screaming and jumping up and down together in mass hysteria.

The motorboat had already started to putter away from the shoreline, but as soon as its driver notices the chaos ensuing on the beach, he quickly turns around and speeds back towards the shore, shouting at the old drunk badgering his friend with the goats. Of course we can't understand anything in Greek except the words "cachica" (goat, the only seemingly available meat on the island) and "malakas" (which means asshole, or more accurately translated "he who masturbates frequently") and a very unmistakeable gesture of the boat-guy slapping both hands on his crotch and then throwing them in the air (which we interpreted to be the universal sign for "suck my d*ck"). At the sight of this, the rabid, red-faced drunk turns and runs full force into the ocean, swimming out towards the boat screaming "cachica" and "malakas" all the way. The boat-guy sneers a smile and tauntingly dodges the drunk's advances back and forth, egging him on. After watching this for a few minutes with our jaws frozen to the ground, the boat-guy picks up his cell phone (oddly contrasting with his traditional garb) and makes a call while snickering at his undaunted bobbing, bellowing pursuer. Meanwhile, the rest of the family had rushed to the water's edge, and were now crying and pleading with their "papa" at the top of their lungs to come back (as far as we could tell).

Moments later, a brand new shiny red pick up truck comes bowling across the beach at top speed and halts to a stop next to us, spraying a tsunami of sand. (We are now shivering on the shore in our wet underwear, dumbstruck tourists in the middle of this odd scene, too enthralled and scared to move, trying not to show our shock too obviously, "we see this kind of thing every day!") Three beefy young men, bulging out of their painted-on t-shirts, jump out of the vehicle and bound towards the crazy old man, who is still splashing around in shallow water, fully clothed and garbling angrily. The drunken sobbing mother and daughter turn towards the three goons, yelling and gesturing wildly. During this madhouse scene, the goatherder, who had all but been forgotten, quietly shuffles away with his two goats, and we are left with the disturbing unsolved mystery of how alcohol and greek dancing can turn into goat-related aquatic violence.